I’ve been playing shows for about 7 years now and let me tell you, I’m nervous for every single one of them. It doesn’t matter if we are playing at a local bar or if we are playing at the Stone Pony. This weekend we happened to get this great opportunity to open up a show for a man that has played with legends like the Allman Brothers, Santana, Wide Spread Panic and the Grateful Dead. (Just to name a few) He even invited me to sing three songs with him which is making me more nervous that having to perform my own set before him.
I was once told that the day you stop feeling nervous before you take the stage, is the day that you should quit because your ego is too big or your heart isn’t truly in it anymore. I hope I never lose that feeling. Well, maybe a little of the nervousness can go away.
I think there is just so much pressure on the lead person of the band. That’s not to say you are above your band, but all eyes are you in. All judgement comes back to you. It always feels like everything is on my shoulders when we play. Did I write songs that are good enough? Can I still hit that note when I’m not feeling 100%? Will I not be so distracted and remember every lyric? Will I be able to tap into the deepest place in my heart so you can feel the sincere emotion that I am feeling write now and when I wrote that song?
One of the most amazing feelings when you are up on stage is when the crowd is singing your lyrics back to you so loud that you can actually take a step back from the microphone and just take everything in. There is an energy when I am on stage with my bandmates that is something no romantic relationship could ever give me. It’s literally pure magic. Yes, sometimes this beautiful gift is as much of a curse as it is a joy.
I can’t go anywhere out with my friends (and fans that are friends) without having them make me play a song. Sometimes you just want to go out, like no one knows your name. Sometimes you just want to hide in the shadows and just blend in like everyone else.
They say I have the “it” factor. It’s just a matter of time before the right person sees me to see IT. I know that I am talented, but at the same time, I always feel like I could be better. There is always someone out there who is a million times better than you. So it makes you wonder, what makes people make it in this industry? Why do some people with no talent but big boobs get signed to a label and their song is almost on repeat on the radio all the time? How come some of the best music you will ever here is only if you go to a local show?
The music industry definitely isn’t the way it was back in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s. It is an entirely different monster.
Either way… I love what I do and I’m honored that people come to our shows to allow me to do it.